I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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