Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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