I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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