I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
