im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
