You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
