He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
