im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
