The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize