I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
