I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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