You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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