i wish starbucks made bloody marys
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
