I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
