I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
