I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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