im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
