1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
