I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
