dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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