i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
