we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
