My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
