yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
