I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize