Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Say something about gay babies.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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