Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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