I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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