it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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