fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
