i think my mom watched the whole time
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
