And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Damn victory sex feels great
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
