I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i've created a new STD.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
