she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
