My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we made out on top of his cat.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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