he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize