i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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