He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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