On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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