my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
