it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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