Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
