Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dick very happy bro
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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