She went from zero to smokin in five shots
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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