I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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