the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
