I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He did a backflip because drugs
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