There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
