he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
