I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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