Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
