we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Princesses don't give blow jobs
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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