is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
