Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
