The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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