He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
