I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
