Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
