If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
