It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
