this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
