Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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