we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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