what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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