I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
