Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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