I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
