i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
did i walk over a car last night?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize