You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
