wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
