Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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